When you realize life is war...

How many times have I been invited to join this neighborhood Bible Study group?
Countless.
And when finally I did, it was a few days before my scheduled operation.

Fear.
Of complications during the operation?
Of slow recovery?
Of things going wrong in the operating room?
Of DEATH?



What was I running away from that I could not take that first step to fellowship with others again?
I used to be a part of the Body of Christ and I fell away.


A falling away is always sad.
And scary.


Walking away has put a movie screen before me and I watched my whole spiritual life on rewind.
Did the rewind take away what I thought I received and did it take away what I thought I know?


For the years following,  I stopped living. I just existed. I changed what I believed in.
It was easier.


And the years that followed, I swung like a pendulum, hanging by a string.


Some days were hot and other days were extremely cold
It was not even Lukewarm.


I have felt God's proddings.
And  sudden bursts of inspiration and a sense of wanting to listen to God's calling.


I didn't recognize His voice because I could not block the noise.
I used that as an excuse to not listen to the calling.


But when God calls you, you can't hide.


I found myself tracing the path back.
Not very eagerly, but the seed of repentance was planted.
A good start.


I echo The Writer's words again: "When you realize life is war, you make prayer a shield and Christ your general and the victory is found in grace" 


I bow my head. It is true.


I approached the throne of grace for forgiveness.
I sought God's words about His forgiveness and believed that His grace is sufficient.


 2Cor 12:9
 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me.


I confessed my unbelief and God heard.
I surrendered myself and accepted my weakness.
Now He is making it known to me every day through the Bible and through the words of other faithful servants how to start living and not just existing.


He revealed to me His grace and power in the trials that proved my weakness.
And true enough, these trials punctuated God's strength.
Strength that now carries me day by day to the desires and goals of my heart that I believe to be in keeping with His words.


Life is indeed war.
and the ARMOR of God is what you wear to this battle.